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It's no secret that relationships are hard work, but did you know this includes your sex life, too? We tend to forget about sex when we're working through relationship hurdles. Sex takes a backseat to more "pressing" issues like emotions and intimacy. Now, while these hills and valleys are in need of attention, sex does as well.
Sex is a pivotal part of happy marriages. We need to acknowledge its importance and give it weight in our everyday lives. There are bedroom pitfalls that come up all the time, we just don't realize they're there until it's infiltrated our minds and bodies to a severe degree much of the time.
Think you might be a culprit of this sexual situation? Avoid these 5 bad sex habits for a hotter and more fulfilling sex life.
Letting Your Sex Routine Get so Comfortable, You Forget About It
You like what you like. There is nothing wrong with exploring those preferences to no end. If you have your sexual routine down pat and love every second of it, that's amazing, but that doesn't mean letting your sex life fall off your radar entirely. Forgoing adventure for a comfortable routine can seem like the easiest thing, but sometimes it has negative effects. If you don't check in with your partner (and yourself) about how they're feeling about your sex life, you might wind up in a situation that isn't really doing it for you anymore. When that happens, it can be difficult to pull yourself out of the rut.
How do you tell your partner your sex life is getting boring? Instead, make a conscious effort to keep everything in check. If the routine is working, awesome. If you'd like to try something new, go for it. If you see a great porn scene and think, "Hm, I might like that"-tell your partner about it!
Keeping the Bedroom a Sacred Space
There is a ton of research showing that working in bed is terrible for your health and your sex life. We're so crushed with deadlines and projects that we tend to let them overtake our lives. When you have a career-making assignment on the line, it is very tempting to bring the laptop into bed and work into the wee hours of the morning.
This is extremely toxic and you shouldn't do it. Your bedroom should be a tranquil, calming space-a space you associate with getting freaky. Do things to ensure the sanctity of the bedroom. Get a salt lamp for soft light and healing properties, burn calming incense before bed (and sex), and spray your linens with a hypoallergenic lavender oil. Above all: keep work out of the bedroom. Keeping sex hot means making sure you protect the spaces where you're having it.
Skipping on Sex
You might think that everything else in life is of primary importance and sex is secondary. It can kind of seem trivial when you have a ton going on. Once you have kids, this issue will only be compounded ten-fold.
Having a regular sex routine is critical for happy marriages. It may not sound like the hottest thing you've ever heard of, but maintenance sex helps you reaffirm closeness with your partner and form closer bonds. Don't skip on sex. Mark a designated time to get it on at least once a week.
You never regret having sex once you have it-getting to the actual sex is the biggest battle of all.
Not Telling Your Partner Something Turned You On
If something is really working for you, let your partner know. When we have a quietly understood set of sex moves, we can forget to remind our partners how much we like that one thing she does with her hips.
Additionally, remind your partner how hot he or she is. Let him know that he is a sexy beast as often as possible. Having more sex (and better sex) first requires feeling good about yourself. An ego boost never hurt anyone.
Your partner should reciprocate. Sexy marriages start with actually feeling sexy. This can be as simple as, "Babe, you looked so hot in X position last night" or "You look really, really hot today."
Expecting the Other Person to Always Initiate (Or Vice-Versa)
Now, there is nothing wrong with one person taking the sexual reigns. If you have your more dominant or submissive roles set in the bedroom, that's okay, but this doesn't mean you always have to initiate being intimate. There are plenty of ways to let your partner know you're interested in having sex. You don't have to climb on his or her lap if you don't want to. A simple make-out session can turn into a full-on sex-fest-go for it.
Don't just sit around and wait for him or her to come to you. If you're the one who always has to get things going, say something. Let your partner know it feels good to feel wanted. You'll find that this simple change of pace can really up the bedroom morale.
Gigi Engle is a sex educator and writer living in Chicago. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @GigiEngle.